Today would have been their anniversary! 39 years of marriage, which sadly is no longer! This is the first time I’ll have written about this subject but surely not the last. It’s one thing to pour your heart out to friends and say it! It’s a whole other to type out the d-word for people you don’t know. I will get more in depth but for now this is all I can handle!
The d-word, for 7 letters, it sure carries a lot of weight. This has sat heavily on my shoulders for 2 years now. For most of the first year, I was pretty sure that it was just a bump in the road, it was a minor detour and they’d get back on track. How do you spend 37 years with someone and then decide it’s over. I imagine it’s not so sudden and feelings were felt for sometime however as the child of it, it sure felt sudden.
This past Christmas, was when it became real, when I knew that it wasn’t a bump. The house sold and a week later possession happened just before Christmas. The house had been on the market for a while so even when I saw that for sale sign for the first time, it didn’t feel real. Possession Day came and I fell apart, the d-word was real! My parents are splitting up!
My entire life I looked up to my parents, to their relationship and held onto their marriage with the utmost pride. 3 Years ago we got married with both my parents and 94 year old grandmother present, I was pretty confident that I had it all. My grandparents were married for over 50 years when my grandpa passed. I was sure that we’d be celebrating that same anniversary with my parents. To now see that marriage that I looked up to be in the stages of dissolving has been life changing, it kind of feels like some parts of my life have been a sham.
I’ve never experienced d-word in any capacity, none of my friends had parents split and I’ve never been divorced; this is new territory. It’s uncharted grounds and I don’t know how to work my way through it, it doesn’t just affect me, I have 2 young girls and a husband to consider. It’s not my story therefore I must be delicate in how the story gets told. One thing I can say, is that with every change that happens in their life, I struggle to allow myself to feel what I need to because as hard as this is for me, it must be 4000 times harder on them. I feel like I’m allowed to feel what I do because someone has it harder. I’m new at this and it’s weird.
We haven’t told Ava asI have no idea how I to explain that Grandma and Grandpa are getting a d-word! I’m sure I will mess things up. I will say the wrong thing or cry just a little to hard. How do you comfort a child when you cannot comfort yourself? Many questions, many tears, many emotions. This will be a long road but I hope you’ll bare with me! Soon I’ll be able to say the d-word without pools of tears forming.
For 7 letters, they sure carry a lot of weight! Does anyone have any good advice on how to make this easier or that word less heavy?